College Life

On the Outside Looking in

I transferred to my current university over three years ago, but it feels like I haven't made any meaningful friendships. I've been in organizations, I've gone to events off-campus, but I have no friendships that are beyond the level of "good-acquaintance." I even held officer positions in one organization, and most of the people in that organization are also in my major/my classes. It should be a perfect recipe for friendship, but it's not.

Some of the people I've known for all three years, who are in my organization, but they've all buddied up without me. When I have them in classes, they walk out together without saying anything to me. They go out to eat and don't invite me. I give them school supplies when they run out, give them snacks, buy them lunch, and offer to give them rides. Sometimes they take me up on it, but then nothing changes. I still don't get invited to anything. I'm still on the outside looking in.

Are my expectations too high? Is it a lost cause because they're all girls and I'm the only guy? My program is small and is 90% girls, but it shouldn't matter if they're girls. I had plenty of girl friends before I transferred, so it doesn't matter to me what gender they are, but maybe it matters to them. I graduate in 8 months - should I just give up the friend search? After three years, it's getting kind of sad and tiring to wonder what I'm doing wrong or what I could be doing better.

punyama wants your take on these quandrees too.

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